


A Very Merry Meltdown (or The Trials and Tribulations of Holiday Gift Giving)

by Supergeek21



Category: Good Omens (Radio), Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Advent Calendar, Aziraphale Loves Crowley (Good Omens), Aziraphale Needs a Hug (Good Omens), Canon Compliant, Christmas, Christmas Shopping, Crowley Loves Aziraphale (Good Omens), Established Relationship, Fluff, Holidays, Ineffable Husbands (Good Omens), Ineffable Idiots (Good Omens), Light Angst, Love, M/M, Post-Canon, Soft Crowley (Good Omens), Tooth-Rotting Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-15
Updated: 2020-12-15
Packaged: 2021-03-11 01:41:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,078
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28037097
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Supergeek21/pseuds/Supergeek21
Summary: What do you get the being you love most once 6,000 years of pining has come to and end? Aziraphale and Crowley cope differently with their lack of gift ideas when they head out Christmas shopping.
Relationships: Aziraphale & Crowley (Good Omens), Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Comments: 34
Kudos: 91
Collections: Ineffable Husbands Advent Challenge 2020





	A Very Merry Meltdown (or The Trials and Tribulations of Holiday Gift Giving)

**Author's Note:**

> Ineffable Husbands Group Advent Calendar Day 15--"Christmas Shopping" 
> 
> Merry Christmas everyone! I would like to give a special thanks to my lovely friends in the Good Omens Fanfic Writers Workshop Discord Server for their assistance with this fic, especially TawnyOwl95 for helping a clueless American figure out a setting for a London Christmas shopping story, PinkPenguinParade for beta-ing, and TheBentley and IsleofSolitude for their assistance with the title! You're all wonderful. 
> 
> All the locations described in this story are real or are alluding to a real place.

_Oh, this was a very bad idea,_ Aziraphale fretted as he found himself buffeted once again by the crowd of Oxford Street holiday shoppers.

 _I should have known better,_ he scolded himself. _I should have known better than to come out shopping without any ideas!_

The fact that part of the reason he had proposed going shopping to Crowley was because he was hoping to stumble across an idea while he was out had completely escaped his mind. So too had the wondrous appreciation for the dazzling Christmas lights and love of humanity in general he had experienced when he and Crowley had parked the Bentley[1] nearly two hours ago and decided to split up.

“Are you sure about this, Angel?” the demon had asked skeptically as they’d stepped into the crowd.

And, like a fool, he had said “of course, Dear Boy, I’ll see you back here at 9. Now go get a wiggle on,” before he’d marched boldly into the mayhem without so much as a second thought what he was getting himself into.

_Idiot!_ his inner voice berated him, as he narrowly dodged getting run over by a frazzled looking woman pushing a child's buggy while talking on her mobile. _What was I thinking?_

In truth the angel’s frustration had far less to do with the mass of humanity he now found himself swarmed by than his own inability to come up with a satisfactory Christmas gift for his best friend and love of his life.

This was to be their first proper Christmas Together and for the immortal life of him he could not come up with a gift. He had genuinely hoped being out in the hustle and bustle of London shoppers and seeing all the decorated shops would grant him inspiration, but alas, after fighting his way up and back down the high street twice he was no closer to an answer.

_What do you get a demon for Christmas?_ he wondered over and over again. _What says ‘I love you’ without being overly sappy about it? **[2]**_

He knew clothes-- or anything fashion related-- would be a hopeless endeavor. Crowley had a knack for fashion, which Aziraphale appreciated but could not comprehend. Books he was comfortable with, but that wasn’t Crowley’s cup of tea.

He knew his lover was very fond of cinema and music but he had a vast collection of those things and it wasn’t as if there were plenty of stores that sold rare movie props or autographed soul records.[3] Nor was it easy to come across original Renaissance art these days.

Aziraphale became suddenly aware that he had been staring blankly into the same window at a particularly hideous pair of designer shoes for several minutes when a tall man in an expensive looking wool coat barked at him to move.

He startled and jumped out of the way, only to trip over the cane of another window shopper and stumble gracelessly into the street, planting his feet firmly into a slushy puddle in the gutter.

As the cold water seeped into his tartan socks Aziraphale felt the last of his frayed nerves call it quits. He let out a guttural sound somewhere in the vicinity between a sigh and a sob.

“That’s it,” he ground out, snapping his fingers briskly and evaporating the water from his socks and his brogues as he stomped off. “I need a drink.” 

\----------------------------------------—-

Crowley had been stunned when Aziraphale had suggested they go Christmas shopping in one of the busiest shopping districts of London on a Saturday evening but, never being one to deny the angel anything, he had reluctantly agreed. He was regretting that choice now.

He hadn’t been sure what he wanted to get Aziraphale for Christmas. He’d never really done this before.

Yes, he had bought the occasional rare book or trinket for him over the centuries when they’d struck his fancy,[4] but those had been casual tokens between friends.[5] That was quite different from buying a Christmas present for the being you’ve practically moved in with and would readily die for!

_For the love of your entire existence,_ the voice that had been reminding Crowley of this gift’s importance for weeks whispered unhelpfully in his brain. 

Crowley scowled and shook his head to clear the doubt. “You can do this!” he told himself.

Unfortunately, the last hour and a half had been maddeningly unhelpful as, in the panicked heat of the moment, everything seemed like the best idea ever and somehow still not good enough.

A smart phone so he’ll finally join the 21st Century: _Brilliant!_

Cufflinks shaped like books: _Genius!_

Silk bowtie: _Perfect!_

Powder-blue satin robe to replace that old tartan thing he wears to read in bed: **Crowley.exe has stopped working.**

So far, all four of those items as well as a box of chocolate truffles, a crystal Winnie the Pooh Christmas ornament, and a silver picture frame were all nestled in bags from various shops and hanging from the demon’s arms.[6]

He sighed. He was convinced all of it was going back.[7] None of it was good enough. None of it really said how he felt.

He slouched back against the nearest wall to gather his thoughts and yelped as the exposed back of his neck made contact with the cold window.

“Sssson of a—” he hissed, whirling around as if to accuse the window of attacking him, when his breath caught in his chest.

Sitting behind the glass of the aggressively cold window was a glittering selection of engagement and wedding rings. The problematic voice in his head which had been shouting at him to buy everything in sight all evening started buzzing with excitement again and Crowley fought the urge to press his nose to the glass for a closer look.

_Too fast! Too fast!_ A snake-bitten[8] part of his mind with a Beatles haircut shouted in alarm, as it attempted to wrestle the shopaholic voice into silence.

As Crowley continued to stare at the collection of shimmering symbols of commitment and sort out his warring emotions, a sudden blast of cold wind blew down the street, shaking the serpent from his reverie and sending a shiver through his entire cold-blood body.

“Fuck,” he muttered. “I’ve got to get out of here.”

Heading off in the first direction he saw that allowed him to not walk against the wind, Crowley sped away from the jewelry shop. He needed to think about this. And get warm!

Crowley made a beeline for the first place he smelled coffee, which happened to be a shop called Wafflemeister. He sighed as the warm air hit him. This had been a terrible idea. He needed to get his head straight before he made any more rash purchases.

“Well at least it looks like you’ve had some luck tonight,” a discouraged, prissy voice said behind him.

Crowley startled.

“Aziraphale?” he gasped, spinning around to find the angel sitting at a small corner table with a half-eaten, chocolate-topped waffle in front of him as well as several empty plates and a mug of absolutely decadent looking hot cocoa.

He looked frustrated and slightly sloshed.

With a thought Crowley banished the gift bags to the boot of the Bentley and made his way over to his love’s side, where a chair had just miraculously appeared, all thoughts of warm coffee completely forgotten.

“Angel, are you alright?” he asked, looking suspiciously at the mug. “What did they put in your cocoa?”

“Marshmallows,” Aziraphale answered matter-of-factly. “But I miracled in the Bailey’s.”

_Well, that explains that at least,_ Crowley thought with an audible snort.

“Only you could get sozzled on hot chocolate, Aziraphale,” he laughed, but Aziraphale did not join in. Something was clearly bothering him.

“What’s wrong Aziraphale?” he asked gently.

“Well, the crepes were mediocre,” he muttered with an accusing look and a vague gesture at one of the empty plates, clearly avoiding both the demon’s question and gaze.

Crowley reached out and caught one, manicured hand and gently rubbed his thumb over the soft skin of the angel’s knuckles.

“Angel,” he said softly, “please…”

Aziraphale finally looked at him, his eyes going misty, and gulped before hanging his head.

“I don’t know what to get you for Christmas and I feel like an utter failure,” he blurted out in a rush, slumping forward to rest his head in his free hand. “You’re so good to me, Crowley. You always have been, and I didn’t appreciate it for so long… you deserve everything, and I somehow can’t manage to do even this one little thing! And I may be drunk, but I know I saw all those bags you miracled away and now I feel even worse… ’M anangel,” he whispered miserably. “How can I be so bad at love when it really matters?”

“Angel look at me,” Crowley said, sparing just enough demonic energy to keep the humans in the room from paying attention as he slid his sunglasses up onto his head so he could look Aziraphale in the eyes properly. “You’re not bad at love just because you’re bad at shopping. You’ve shown me more love and kindness than any other being in my entire existence from the moment you chose to cover me from the rain that day on the wall.”

Aziraphale bit his lip and tried to glance away. “That’s very nice of you to say but—”

“Nuh-uh,” Crowley interrupted him, gently cradling the angel’s face in his free hand and tipping it to meet his golden snake eyes.

“I mean it, Angel, every day you chose not to smite me for doing my job, or let me hang around in the bookshop half the night, or went out to lunch with me even though I hardly eat was a bloody gift to me. That’s why there were so many bags here! It’s not ‘cuz I had ‘good luck’ or a million brilliant ideas, it’s because I feel like I need to give **you** everything and it still wouldn’t be good enough.”

Aziraphale’s cheeks were starting to flush as he fought a losing battle to hold back tears, but Crowley continued.

“I don’t even care if you get me anything, Aziraphale. My Christmas gift could be going out to dinner and letting me pick a bad old movie to watch on the couch as long as we get to do it together,” he said, then added with a grin, “all I want for Christmas is you.”

“Isn’t that one of those dreadfully overplayed bebop songs?” he asked with a chuckle and the first genuine smile the demon had seen since the car.

“Yup,” Crowley replied with a smirk. “Who do you think inspired it?”

“Oh, Crowley!” Aziraphale snorted.

“Not one of my prouder moments,” Crowley said with a cringe. “That’s why I stopped putting whisky in my hot chocolate.”

“Oh, you ridiculous snake,” Aziraphale laughed. “I love you.”

Crowley smiled just as Aziraphale leaned over and pulled him into a kiss, which tasted like chocolate and made him feel warm all over.

“Let’s go home, Angel,” Crowley said, pulling Aziraphale to his feet.

“Yes,” Aziraphale agreed, feeling a little less hopeless with his demon beside him. “There’ll be other days to shop.”

As they made their way through the crowd and glittering lights back to the car, Crowley continued to grip Aziraphale’s left hand in his own. Even if the angel decided he didn’t want to come out again, he knew he would have to find some excuse to get away. He had a few things to return and one very important gift to buy, for both of them.

* * *

[1] Illegally

[2] As much of a romantic he had discovered Crowley to be, the demon still occasionally got uncomfortable with more sentimental gestures from the angel.

[3] Even in an upscale shopping district like this.

[4] Or, more accurately, when they struck him with thoughts of Aziraphale.

[5] Or business associates, or acquaintances, or whatever Aziraphale was calling them at the time to make their relationship seem more distant.

[6] Though he’d yet to figure out what exactly he planned on putting in the picture frame. He had only ever persuaded the angel to take one selfie with him, and the quality was iffy to say the least.

[7] Except the truffles... and maybe the robe.

[8] Though he’d never been particularly fond of that phrase.

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos and Comments are always wonderful, so please feel free to leave them here or you can message me on [Tumblr](https://supergeek21.tumblr.com/), [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/jessiemarie921/), or [Twitter](https://twitter.com/JessieMarie921)! I'd love to hear from you.
> 
> On a more serious note I understand there has been some miscommunication and general unpleasantness surrounding this event and group. As someone who worked to boost the signups for this event I apologize for any part I may have played in this confusion and offer my sincere regret to anyone who was negatively impacted or treated badly. I still wanted to participate in the spirit of the holiday season and because I stick to my commitments but I am sorry that this has not been a great experience for everyone taking part.


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